Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
