Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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