Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
