go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
