this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
