i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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