i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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