You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
