Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
