My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
