dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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