I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
