Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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