Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
