shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
