Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
