if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
