This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
