Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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