maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
