I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
