I could make wine with my vomit
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
