speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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