Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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