So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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