right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
