Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize