Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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