oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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