I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
