Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
