I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
