i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
