the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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