I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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