i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
