you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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