My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
