I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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