there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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