I think im going to throw up on grandma
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
