The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
