So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
