shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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