Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
