I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
