Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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