Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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