woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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