We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
