If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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