Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
