once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
