I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
