I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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