Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
