I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
