Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
