I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
