Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
