oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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