My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
