he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
