Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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