ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
