I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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