just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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