I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
