It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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