So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
