my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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