Do you still have your period?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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