Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
