I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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