Already got asked if we're dating
I looked at my own cervix.
honey bunches of taint.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
